well...

sometimes you think you've got it all figured out.
you've got a plan.
and then things change,
and you're surprised by it.

i guess i would have been more surprised if it did actually work out.

things don't often work out.

thoughts.

i think about the future a lot. especially at night.

a year ago i thought about what i'd be doing now. now i think about what i'll be doing in five years. i wonder what i'll think about then. probably about what i want my urn to be made of.

it's not that i don't enjoy my life, i do. i love my life. i love my friends, and my family, and my school. I love being in college. I love dressing up and going out to dinner with Al. I love the silly things he calls me. I love snuggling and ice cream and dancing with friends and listening to music in cars. i love wearing rain boots. i love dark chocolate and sour gummies. i love watching dateline with my mother.

i love my life right now. more than ever before.

right now i'm home, but still, i can't help thinking about the future.

...it sort of makes me nervous.